Amy Coney Barrett Searches Bible for God’s Opinion of the Internet

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justice Amy Coney Barrett called for a recess in arguments before the Supreme Court so that she could search the Bible for God’s views on the Internet.

After several Justices expressed confusion about the technological issues before them, Barrett clapped her hands impatiently and said, “It doesn’t matter what we think about the Internet. What does God think about it?”

Barrett then withdrew to her chambers, where she had her clerks comb the Bible for the Almighty’s opinions on digital matters.

As of Wednesday, Barrett’s clerks had failed to find any mention of the Internet in the books of Genesis, Exodus, or Leviticus, but were said to be “holding out hope” for the Book of Numbers.