Herschel Walker Offers Kevin McCarthy Seven Hundred Dollars to Abort His Speaker Bid

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a possible solution to the stalemate that has gripped the House of Representatives, Herschel Walker has offered Kevin McCarthy a check for seven hundred dollars to abort his bid for Speaker.

Appearing at the Capitol, the N.F.L. great said that he had already written the check and hoped that it was sufficient to “take care of this.”

Referring to McCarthy’s campaign for Speaker, Walker said, “Mistakes happen, and, when they do, it’s best just to make them go away.”

In addition to the check, Walker said that he would give McCarthy a free ride from the Capitol and a get-well card.