June 2, 2023
Winners and Losers from This Year’s Oscar Nominations

Winners and Losers from This Year’s Oscar Nominations


The English Major You Dated in College Who Wore Lots of Windbreakers and Chain-Smoked: because he definitely works for A24 now.

Lydia Tár: she is real.

My Text Thread: we’re full of opinions.

Buzz Lightyear holding an Oscar.

Disney: because Baz Luhrmann sounds confusingly similar to Buzz Lightyear.

Hollywood: I hear that the Oscars are sort of its biggest night.

The word snub entering someone's ear.

People for Whom the Word “Snub” Is A.S.M.R.: snub.

Oscar statue posing like Uncle Sam.

The U.S. Military Recruiting Progra—I Mean, “Top Gun: Maverick.”


Ghost of Louis B. Mayer.

Louis B. Mayer: who made up the Oscars to try to make industry professionals compete against one another instead of unionizing, but they unionized anyway. Take that, ghost of Louis B. Mayer!

Man said hearing someone talk about Top Gun Maverick.

Me Personally: because I really want to stop talking about “Avatar” and “Top Gun.”

Lydia Tr conducting.

Cancel Culture: cancel culture, a real thing, is no match for Lydia Tár, a real person.


Women: the Oscars have decided that women, after two years of them being nominated and winning, have had a good run of it.

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