You x Me: Exclusive Partnership Opportunity

Hi! I’m reaching out on behalf of My Romantic Status because we like your style and think that you’d be a great fit for our brand.

Let’s get right down to it. Do you have the interest, desire, and bandwidth to collab on a relationship?

We’re looking for an enthusiastic, offline-ish man over thirty-five to take part in an exclusive partnership opportunity that’s mutually beneficial and demonstrates our compatibility in an authentic, relatable way!

Your Instagram really caught our attention––not only does your face align with our visual needs, but your content and aesthetic perfectly complement our core values. Your sparse collection of Valencia-filtered photos of dogs and landscapes from 2013, as well as your astounding follower count of 126, serve as an alluring counterpart to our sparkly, curated, somewhat chaotic Internet presence.

You’re exactly the kind of creator our extremely nosy demographic loves.

In the past, our brand has worked with other notable non-influencers with bleak Instagram profiles, including Noah S. (89 followers; content focus on hot dogs, baseball stadiums) and Henry L. (111 followers; oversaturated mountainscapes, 4 blurry tagged photos).

After that, we rebranded, swerving to team up with guys like Miles R. (7,430 followers; hot enough for his grid of selfies to not be a cry for help) and Rob G. (26,221 followers; hot enough to be in several nonexclusive-partnership deals).

Now we are pivoting once again and eager to dive back in with collaborators who have a sophisticated understanding of the Internet but do not use it like we do.

You’re a live-in-the-moment kind of guy; we’re vaguely appalled that our screen time is twelve hours per day. You’ve forgotten your password multiple times; we’ve forgotten that we reply to everyone’s stories after two glasses of wine. You only see memes on Reddit; we have seen everything on the Internet. It’s a flawless dynamic!

Payment

This opportunity is NOT PAID, but the exposure you’ll get is unmatched. If things go exceptionally well, we could even eventually be each other’s life-insurance beneficiaries.

Giveaways

We will not give away anything about this joint effort until it has met certain goals and metrics.

Events/Experiences

Consistent and romantic dates are a must. Please refer to the brand guidelines for further instruction.

Campaigns

You should be open to the idea of taking part in critical future campaigns such as Plus-One, Boyfriend, Serious Partner, etc.

Ambassador Program

Please tell your closest friends and loved ones about the brand and the work you’re doing with us as soon as it makes sense. Fans may later be invited to an extravagant V.I.P. party where the state formally recognizes our collab.

Promotions

If we’re in a good place, there’s the possibility of being promoted to pro-creator.

Initial Deliverables

We’d ask that you adhere to a soft launch in the first two to three months. (We won’t tag you––only a hand or a strong forearm will be visible in press materials.) A hard launch is not required as part of this deal, but it could really do wonders for brand awareness––yours, specifically.

Breach of Partnership

If this occurs, we will remove any trace of your existence from our social-media channels and seek revenge if necessary.

Again—love your lack of content and your curiosity in indulging the brand’s whims. Let us know if you’re interested! ♦