CENTRAL ISLIP, LONG ISLAND (The Borowitz Report)—In what legal scholars are calling a highly unorthodox strategy, Representative George Santos has pleaded nonexistent in federal court.
Though Santos’s claim not to exist was given long odds of succeeding, he forcefully made his case for his own unreality.
“Your honor, I stand before you, a fictitious character,” Santos proclaimed.
The New York congressman argued that, since he does not exist, all charges against him should be dropped, but he promised to submit to the judicial process in his cinematic universe.
More News
U.S. Poet Laureate Ada Limon answers a Wild Card question
See the newly verified Caravaggio painting going on display in Spain
All of the Keys to New York City