A Young Child Tells Their Mother “I’m Not a Girl”

[film reel rolling] [piano key playing]

[Child] I’m trying to figure out how to put this in words.

[Woman] Take your time.

Have a little talk,

and I said,

I’ve been hiding this for a long time.

And you said, Okay,

and you accepted it.

I feel like one of the best times

you ever really understood me and my gender was

that very first evening, I think.

[Woman] Mm-hmm.

[bell ringing]

[Child] It was so hard keeping that secret.

[bell ringing] [bird chirping]

I never intended to tell you.

I felt like I shouldn’t.

I mean, like, even I was doubtful.

I’m just a little kid. How would I know?

And then my brain went and took over, and said,

You’re doing this, and I went ahead and said it.

And I didn’t mean to tell you, but now I’m so glad I did.

[children playing]

Do I really care what everybody thinks?

[Woman] Mm-hmm. Yes.

Everybody on this earth, every human being cares

at least one tiny thing about what people think about them.

[Woman] Yeah.

[Child] But if you still have that heavy weight

of caring about it too much,

then it will stop you from being who you are.

[Woman] Yeah.

[bicycle spokes ticking] [light music]

[Child] I thought I wasn’t ready.

‘Cause it was kind of overwhelming to tell you.

And talking about it,

I was starting to feel overwhelmed again.

[kids cheering]

‘Cause I’m just feeling that come back to me.

[Woman] Do you need a push?

Big push.

[Younger Child] Push! Do it to me!

‘Cause like, it’s probably the best memory I have,

telling you I’m not a girl for the first time.

But it’s probably the worst, too,

’cause that was so hard for me.

[child crying]

[Woman] I’m sorry it was hard.

Oh, hey.

[wind chimes ringing]