December 2, 2021

Bannon Caught Fleeing U.S. Disguised as Man Who Recently Took Shower

Photograph by Alessandra Benedetti / Corbis / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Steve Bannon was caught attempting to flee the United States disguised as a man who had recently taken a shower, T.S.A. officials have confirmed.

A T.S.A. agent at Reagan National Airport, Harland Dorrinson, explained how Bannon’s talent as a master of disguise nearly enabled him to board a plane to Moscow.

“He showered, shaved, and even combed his hair,” Dorrinson said. “He was totally unrecognizable.”

Bannon’s plan crumbled, however, during a routine pat down. “That’s when we noticed that his pants had a large mustard stain,” the T.S.A. agent said. “They evidently had not been laundered in months. One of my colleagues shouted, ‘It’s Bannon! Stop him!’ ”

Taken into custody, the former White House adviser seemed bitter about his foiled escape attempt. “I took a shower for no fucking reason,” he said.


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