WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Steve Bannon was caught attempting to flee the United States disguised as a man who had recently taken a shower, T.S.A. officials have confirmed.
A T.S.A. agent at Reagan National Airport, Harland Dorrinson, explained how Bannon’s talent as a master of disguise nearly enabled him to board a plane to Moscow.
“He showered, shaved, and even combed his hair,” Dorrinson said. “He was totally unrecognizable.”
Bannon’s plan crumbled, however, during a routine pat down. “That’s when we noticed that his pants had a large mustard stain,” the T.S.A. agent said. “They evidently had not been laundered in months. One of my colleagues shouted, ‘It’s Bannon! Stop him!’ ”
Taken into custody, the former White House adviser seemed bitter about his foiled escape attempt. “I took a shower for no fucking reason,” he said.