DeSantis Ends Feud with Disney and Launches Attack on Smurfs

TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Facing backlash from Republican donors, Ron DeSantis has abruptly ended his feud with Disney and launched a scorched-earth campaign against the Smurfs.

Harland Dorrinson, DeSantis’s top political aide, called the Florida governor’s pivot to the Smurfs a “strategic masterstroke.”

“Ron has the anti-Smurf lane all to himself,” he said.

In a major policy speech, DeSantis accused the Smurfs of spreading a message of “blue supremacy” and vowed to ban the teaching of Smurf studies from his state’s schools.

“Florida is where Smurfs come to die,” he declared.