Elon Musk and His Band of Free-Speech Tweeters

ELON MUSK@elonmusk
This is a battle for the future of civilization. If free speech is lost even in America, tyranny is all that lies ahead.

—Twitter, November 28, 2022.

AngryWhiteMan@AlwaysRight
I am so ANGRY about everything I can barely finish my sandwich or my James Patterson paperback because of HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP

MariahCareyIsJesus@MariahWillSaveUs
Mariah in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade: no words. Only inspiring, incandescent lip-synching and I don’t care anymore that my boyfriend dumped me

ILoveElon@NotElon’sMother
Why isn’t anyone mentioning how handsome Elon is when he’s selflessly helping this nation it’s like if George Washington and James Bond had a baby and homeschooled it

FeministMom@MomsRock
Until Moms are given longer naps and subsidized child care my mug will say Vote Like a Mom and I will post TikToks where I dance with two other Moms to Harry Styles because Moms Got It Mommin’ On, I have trademarked this

KidsAmIRight@NewDadWon’tShutUp
Today my 3-month-old made a spit bubble and I thought, fuck my career in finance this is what matters. JK but would like a book deal does anyone have Ryan Reynolds’ contact, he’d be perfect as me, I’m not the only one who says this

AngryWhiteMan@MyLaxativeHasStoppedWorking
Why is everyone so LAZY and ENTITLED especially young libs it makes me so angry I want a congressional investigation into Hillary hiding Hunter Biden’s laptop in her NPR TOTEBAG which is a lib ASSAULT WEAPON

ElonIsMyHero@NotElon’sAssistant
Elon gives and gives and no one ever thanks him or names their children Elon even when the child might be his

SaneConservative@FreedomIsReal
Why can’t people read the Constitution and stay away from my parking space and the TV Guide with Yellowstone on the cover I accidentally left at the post office, yes I buy stamps like a man

JustMeCuzI’mEnough@PrioritizeMentalHealth
What if we all just thought about climate change while sharing pictures of meadows instead of calling me names like FlowerButt and You Idiot

AmericaOnly@DeSantisIsSoft
China is taking our jobs and watching us through our Apple products don’t say anything around your blender just pretend you’re fine LIKE THE LOSER YOU ARE

JustAKid@ThenWhyAmIOnTwitter
Wondering: is Twitter like Medicare bc it’s something my Nana does LOL except only Nana still uses LOL

LonelyGayMan@WritingABookAboutFilmsOfJuneAllyson
WHY AREN’T WE TALKING ABOUT FLORENCE HENDERSON’S STAGE CAREER

SocialistsSometimesGoOnDates@ShutUpWithYourNegativity
Message to the hot guy with the backpack and body odor working next to me in Bushwick community garden: I was the hottie in Crocs and the crop top made from ignored subpoenas you asked me if I was into fanfic where Chamalet uses crypto I can still smell you I am waiting near the compost

WorriedAboutMargotRobbie’sCareer@UsedToBeWorriedAboutNaomiWatts’sCareer
Margot needs to play more lawyers and scientists maybe with disabilities, I will get her that Oscar if she will listen

TheRealEliseStefanik@It’sReallyMe
I will power-wash your patio furniture and paint your guest bedroom if you will talk to me and not call me Alice

LovingMyLife@HowAboutYou
Showered, took the puppy to the park, called my Mom, had a bagel, life is good UNLESS YOU’RE HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP FOOLED YOU AVOCADO BUTTHURT LIB

CrosswordAddict@RetiredAccountantAndChristmasMom
I’m not here to cause trouble but please learn the difference between they’re, their, and there before the nurse gets here with my meds ASSHOLE

ElonIsMyEverything@NotElonSobbingAndLashingOut
The Twitterverse will be a golden land of freedom if everyone will just give Elon a chance and all your money ARE YOU LISTENING TIM NOT-AS-RICH-AS-ELON COOK. Blue checks will cost more bc they are made from Elon’s tears

KindnessIsReal@ILoveEveryone
I hate people who are divisive, spreading misinformation and hate. What if we forget our differences? And if you disagree I hear you and respect you, and I hope you get run down by a truck filled with compassion and guns ♦