Elon Musk Sees Trial as Way to Finally Force People to Be in Same Room with Him

SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—Elon Musk said that he was “elated” to be going on trial because “finally people are being forced to be in the same room with me.”

Speaking outside a federal courthouse, the boss of Tesla and Twitter said that he had been trying for years to compel people to be in the same room with him but had been repeatedly foiled in those efforts.

“Last November, I thought if I required Twitter employees to come to work in the office, that would do the trick,” he said. “Instead, they quit en masse.”

However, during a trial, Musk observed, “people have to be in the same room with you. They’re trapped. It’s a beautiful thing.”

Musk said that he had thus far “loved” jury selection, noting, “Lawyers keep asking prospective jurors what they think of me, and then the jurors have to answer. I’m hearing my name being said over and over again. If I had known that it would be like this, I would have gone on trial sooner.”