It’s spooky season! Soon, Halloween parties will be filled with perfect couples, transformed into Dorothy and Toto, or Eleven and some other “Stranger Things” character. But what if you and your significant other legitimately might break up en route to the party? Here are some costume ideas for you!
The front and back of a horse, but the front part continually disrespects the back part’s time.
A scurvy-riddled pirate and a withholding bag of oranges.
Little Red Riding Hood and the Big, Always-Made-Out-to-Be-Bad Wolf.
Bluetooth earbuds that haven’t linked in weeks.
A bucket of fried chicken that wants kids and a waffle that doesn’t.
Wayne and Garth from “Wayne’s World.” Not “Garth’s World.” “Wayne’s World.” Typical.
A child coal miner with black lung and the Monopoly guy.
Sexy Minion and Regular Minion.
Bonnie and Clyde, two codependent murderers.
Mr. and Mrs. Incredibly Depressed.
Homer and Marge Simpson, and her ex shows up dressed as Bart or something, since she insists on maintaining that friendship.
An avocado with a pit and an avocado without a pit . . . or empathy.
A vampire and a person who always plays the victim.
Mario (a plumber with a job) and Luigi (an unemployed “artist” who doesn’t seem to have the drive to even make art anymore. Apply yourself, Luigi).
Ken, the handsome doll, and Barbie, the doll who doesn’t allow space for Ken’s feelings.
Thing 1 That Is Unnerving from His Past and Thing 2 That Is Unnerving from His Past.
Britney Spears and a giant piece of paper that says “conservatorship.”
The Three Little Polyamorous Pigs, except one of them isn’t into it.
An extroverted magician and an introverted rabbit that refuses to come out of the hat. Even when the magician’s friends are there specifically to meet the rabbit.
Two peas in a pod, with vastly different incomes.
Maybe dress up as “Top Gun” pilots to rekindle some sexual tension?
A left Twix whose love language is gift-giving and a right Twix who is frustrated because that’s the only love language that requires Right Twix to spend money.
Parachute and rip cord.
Pikachu and Ash. But apparently Ash thinks that Pikachu is there to fulfill Ash’s every whim, when that’s not Pikachu’s fucking job. Pikachu is not your mom, Ash. And, if even if she were, would you ever treat your mom the way that you treat Pikachu? I don’t think so.
I’m going as Bert. You can come as Ernie if you want, but I’m done dragging you.
We hope you found these useful! And we’d love to hear about the couples costumes you came up with. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to respond in a timely manner, as I’m crashing on my buddy’s couch while my partner and I sort stuff out. Happy Halloween! ♦
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