Hed and Dek Pitches for a Magazine for Grooms, Written in the Style of a Magazine for Brides

So, she said yes and made you the happiest of men. What comes next? Months and months of wedding planning, of course! These ideas—designed for the generic, presumably heterosexual groom whom we’re finally talking down to in the same way we’ve talked down to brides (also generic and heterosexual, obviously) for decades—will insure that you and your sweetie have the fifty-thousand-dollar wedding day of our industry’s dreams.

“Sixteen Boutonniere Alternatives to Let Everyone Know You’re No Ordinary Groom”

Let conventional men settle for roses and carnations. You’re not like other boys, which is exactly why she chose you to be her groom. Stand out from the crowd with the hottest, trendiest blooms, berries, and dried grasses ever to adorn a lapel.

“Fifty Tips for a Flawless Tuxedo-Shopping Experience”

What should your budget be? Do you need to set aside a whole day, or just five hours? Should you invite the bride’s mother along? From flirty boxers to sports-themed cufflinks, our wedding experts take you through every painstaking step in the magical journey of dressing yourself for the Big Day.

“Busy Grooms Need This Witch Hazel and Lavender Aromatherapy to Slow Down”

Modern grooms are busy busy busy, what with their jobs and other interests. But wedding planning should be enjoyable! After all, like the majority of men who tie the knot, you’re going to do this only once or probably twice—maybe four times at most.

“Any Groom Can Make These Pretty D.I.Y. Cake Toppers (Even if You’re Not Martha Stewart!)”

Fashioning burlap, pine cones, and rustic twigs into the perfect fairy-tale cake topper may seem like a daunting task to most grown men, but these fun ideas will inspire you to channel your inner artiste. Oh là là!

“Winter Grooms Share Hacks to Stay Warm”

Your heart may be aflame with love, but your basal body temperature certainly won’t be if you’re a December groom. Muffs, stoles, and sexy gloves are must-have accessories for the stylish, hibernal groom. If you’re Scottish, why not pay homage to Mel Gibson in “Braveheart” and throw a tartan shawl into the mix?

“Boho-Chic Wedding Ideas for the Free-Spirited Groom”

Not every man is a formal “normal.” Some grooms want to march to the beat of their own drum circle and embrace the hippie aesthetic. Up your groovy quotient with these Jerry Garcia-inspired looks.

“Ten Essential Things to Know About Prince William’s Wedding Shoes”

They may not have been the focus of the royal-wedding chatter — that honor obviously goes to his Garter sash!— but we can’t stop talking about those gorgeous, dapper black flats, a departure from H.R.H.’s usual Arthur Sleep cashmere slippers.

“Homemade Elixirs to Make Your Skin Glow on Your Wedding Day”

Isn’t it every groom’s dream to be told how beautiful his skin looked when he walked down the aisle? Before your wedding-day facial, you’ll want to spend at least two weeks insuring that your skin is moisturized, revitalized, and as luminous as Mel Gibson’s was in “Lethal Weapon.”

“Sexy Suits for the Bold Groom”

Sometimes what a guy really wants is for his co-workers and his partner’s family members to look at him and be so overcome with lust that their eyes pop comically out of their sockets. Hubba-husband!

“Dare You Not to Cry! Watch These Fathers Give Their Sons Away”

Is there anything more romantic than the moment when a man’s father hands him over to the woman who’ll be his lawful wedded spouse? Volume up as you watch this tear-jerking montage set to Cher’s Celine Dion’s Bon Jovi’s schmaltziest songs.

“Vintage Wedding Rings That Will Make Your Hairy Finger Look Unbelievingly Stunning”

These breathtaking antique rings bring the glorious history of heterosexual marriage right into your twenty-first-century vows. What says “This marriage is going to be amazing” better than a hand-crafted band from the days of legal coverture? ♦