I Did Not Want to Make a War Film

[bright music]

[wind blowing]

[Nadia] My name is Nadia.

I’m from Ukraine.

Back home, winter’s are dark and cold.

I prefer to escape somewhere warm and return in the spring,

when life wakes up again.

This year was different.

[bomb exploding]

[sirens wailing]

[bomb exploding]

The winter of 2022 never ended.

[soft singing]

[intense music]

[bouncy music]

Every winter, I go to Dahab, in the Middle East,

to avoid the gloomy skies in Ukraine.

I love the sun, the sea, the animals.

[bouncy music] [sheep bleating]

Hello.

[Nadia] Wherever you go,

there is a dog, waiting for you to pat it.

Many dogs; your hands are always busy.

This is Illia, my husband.

[speaking foreign language]

Illia’s not as excited about Dahab as I am,

but there is one thing he definitely appreciates,

a gorgeous tamarind tree.

At our place in Kiev, we also have a tamarind.

It is the most beautiful,

and the most fragile of our home plants.

Every time we leave, someone has to take care of it instead.

Illia misses our tamarind a lot.

I miss it too.

Otherwise, Dahab is perfect for me.

It used to be.

[bomb exploding]

On February 24th, I woke up from my mother’s call.

She sent me a video of my hometown being bombed.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] Russia had started a full-scale invasion

of my country.

[people shouting]

All of my family, friends and colleagues were in Ukraine.

I was away, unable to help.

[speaking foreign language]

Dahab was safe, but it felt like prison.

I so wanted to help, but there was so little I could do.

I felt guilty, lonely, and endlessly helpless.

The only thing that remained was the news from home.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[somber music]

[Nadia] One of those nights, I had a dream.

I saw a road,

it led to some new place,

a place that I had never seen before.

Suddenly, I recognized it.

It was Ukraine, at war.

Strangely, I felt relieved.

For the first time since the beginning of invasion,

I felt something positive,

as if some outer force was giving me a hint

and pulling me out of my paralysis.

[intense music]

Illia had a different feeling.

To him, going back to Ukraine was shortsighted, impulsive,

and simply unsafe.

He didn’t want to go with me.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] He didn’t want me to go.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] He started being sarcastic.

He could not say it explicitly, but what he really meant,

was the fear of losing me.

[somber music]

Yet, he had to accept my choice.

Everywhere on my way, I saw tired women with kids.

Their eyes could not hide it.

They have been through hell.

All of them were headed west.

I was the only one who went the opposite direction; home.

[somber music]

My home was 500 kilometers from the border.

I had to make a layover and stay at my family.

The first person I met was my cousin.

He had to abandon his dinner because of the siren.

[sirens wailing]

I followed him to the bomb shelter.

When the city was bombed, he spent five hours in here.

Now, he is well prepared.

[speaking foreign language]

[chuckling]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] The most peaceful guy on earth;

he got himself a gun.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

This is my grandma.

She takes her own safety measures.

[somber music]

She keeps the names of all people in our family on the list,

both live and dead.

This way she makes sure not to forget them in her prayers.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] Sometimes, she also prays for neighbors, friends,

and those in need.

When the war broke out, grandma’s notebook got full.

Ivan, Kata, Anton,

Andrusha, Oksana,

Natasha, Senya,

Yulia, Sasha.

These are my friends from Central and Eastern Ukraine,

who had to flee the war.

Grandma’s place became their temporary home.

Oksana, Andrusha and Natasha fled from a small town

of Bila Tserkva,

after a massive shelling.

Kata, Anton, baby Ivan and the cat Kuza,

spent five endless days in the bomb shelter,

on the left bank of Kiev.

They decided to flee.

Kata, Losha, and the cat Felix,

fled from the town of Slavyansk, in the east.

Their city is ten miles away from the front line.

All locals were asked to evacuate.

Senia, Yulia and Sasha survived three weeks

under the siege of Mariupol.

Miraculously, they managed to escape.

[speaking foreign language]

[bystander speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] Senia, Sasha’s and Yulja’s son,

is hard of hearing.

He rarely talks.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia] This is the only non-practical thing

he was allowed to bring from home.

[phone ringing]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[train rattling] [church bells chiming]

[singing in foreign language]

[gentle music] I was euphoric to be back.

Unlike many people in Ukraine now, I still had a home.

My home was whole, undamaged,

ready to accept me,

as if nothing had happened.

As if the war did not exist.

Unfortunately, it did.

When the war started,

my friend Oksana was at her home in Bucha, Kiev’s suburb.

She had to spend two weeks in the basement,

hiding from Russians.

One day, she managed to escape.

Once Bucha was freed, she asked me to check on her place.

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[somber music]

[bystander speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[speaking foreign language]

[Nadia speaking foreign language]

[Illia speaking foreign language]

[Nadia sniffling]

[somber music]

[announcer speaking foreign language]

[sirens wailing]

[guns firing]

[bombs exploding]

[guns firing]

[guns firing]

[somber music]

[somber music continues]