I’m Your Wedding D.J., and These Songs Are Non-Negotiable

I’m a second-generation wedding d.j., so spinning sick beats is in my DNA. Since this is technically your day, I’m willing to make concessions. Sure, I’ll put “The Chicken Dance” on your no-play list. But, when it comes to what guests really need to hear, I’m the one with my finger on the pulse (except when I’m using it to make a finger gun as I wink at hotties on the dance floor). If you wanna party with D.J. Brad Boy Productions, these songs are non-negotiable.

“Y.M.C.A.,” by Village People

This song solves humanity’s most enduring crisis, which is not knowing what to do with your hands. As my signature move, I will cut your first dance short, since it’s probably a snoozefest anyway, and go right into the “Y.M.C.A.” chorus. This always leaves guests whispering that they’ve “never seen anything like this.” That’s how I know I’m crushing it.

“Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It),” by Beyoncé

Weddings are a time to celebrate two people making a lifelong commitment to each other. But they are also a time to draw unwanted attention to all of your sad, single friends. Who knows, maybe some of these spinsters just haven’t met the right part-time wedding d.j. yet?

“Sweet Caroline,” by Neil Diamond

Whenever I play this one, it seems like there’s always some guy on the dance floor named Chad who completely loses his shit for it. He’s so freaking stoked to add the little “bom-bom-bommm!” to the end of the chorus while scream-singing into his tenth I.P.A. It’s the purest thing you’ll ever see in this biz. Moments like that are what get me out of bed in the afternoon.

“Marry You,” by Bruno Mars

This one’s a no-brainer. I think we can all agree that it’s a beautiful and timeless song about a guy who’s totally blasted and trying to pressure some chick into marrying him. (Trust me, it’s harder than it sounds.)

“Welcome to the Jungle,” by Guns N’ Roses

I’ll be honest—this one’s just for me. And Chad.

“Blurred Lines,” by Robin Thicke (featuring Pharrell and T.I.)

Some people hate this song because of its rapey undertones. Others hate it because of its rapey overtones and in-between tones. But I think hate is just love that hasn’t danced its way out of your body yet.

“Get Low,” by Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz

This song is the great equalizer. It doesn’t matter who you are—when “Get Low” plays, everyone from your dad’s golf buddies to Nana will be shredding the dance floor till they feel the sweat drop down their balls. If your sweet Nana didn’t know the lyrics before, she will, after hearing Chad shout them at top volume.

“Runaround Sue,” by Dion DiMucci

On its face, this might seem like just another song about an old-timey slut. Not true! It also marks the point in an event when I get on top of the bar and break into a carefully choreographed dance with Chad, who, rumor has it, is not just any random wedding crasher but my former frat brother and eternal beer-pong partner. You’ll be mad, at first. But you’ll get over it once you realize how polished our footwork is and how many of your single friends have told us we’re “unbelievable.”

“The Chicken Dance,” by Werner Thomas

Did you really think I wasn’t going to play this fire hit? Come on. ♦