Kari Lake Claims Victory in Georgia Runoff

ATLANTA (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “the upset of the century,” the former anchorwoman Kari Lake claimed victory in Tuesday’s Georgia runoff. “No one thought I would win this, but together we made it happen!” Lake declared. After briefly savoring her win, Lake lashed out at mainstream news organizations for refusing to acknowledge her triumph. “If you were watching CNN, MSNBC, or Fox, you wouldn’t even know that Kari Lake was running for Senate in Georgia,” she said. “More lies from the fake news media!” Recognizing that she may need to convince some Georgians that she is, in fact, their United States senator, she issued a solemn promise: “No one will work harder to win your trust, but, if I don’t, I will be your worst nightmare.”