June 9, 2023
Lesser-Known KitchenAid Stand-Mixer Attachments

Lesser-Known KitchenAid Stand-Mixer Attachments

A KitchenAid standmixer attachment.

Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment: Can accommodate anything you throw at it—just supply it with constant reassurance and praise.

A little man sitting on KitchenAid standmixer.

Homunculus Attachment: Pro: You’ll never want for companionship during meal prep. Con: He has a lot of opinions.

KitchenAid standmixer attachment for making penisshaped pasta.

Penis-Pasta-Making Attachment: Sure, it has a one-track mind, but you’ll never show up to a bachelorette weekend empty-handed again.

KitchenAid standmixer attachment that is a sadlooking woman smoking a cigarette.

Downward-Spiraller Attachment: In theory, this should turn your zucchini into zoodles. In actuality, it will stop functioning mid-ribbon, give itself bangs, start chain-smoking, and attempt to turn itself into an N.F.T.

Woman looking in empty kitchen cabinet.

Avoidant Attachment: Purpose unknown—this attachment is virtually impossible to track down.

Woman using KitchenAid standmixer with a mammogram attachment.

Self-Mammogram Attachment: This tiny “Star Wars” trash compactor accurately detects breast abnormalities with the turn of a crank. Hospital bills, begone—now you can smoosh your boobs in the privacy of your own home.

A dashed line where the attachment would be.

E-Mail Attachment: Even if you manage to get it open, it won’t be compatible with your machine and will probably turn whatever you’re making into Spam.

Man and child looking at KitchenAid with standmixer attachment shaped like a claw in a claw machine.

Claw Attachment: Uh-oh! Did you put walnuts in the brownie batter again, and now your five-year-old is threatening to dox you? Turn your child’s picky eating into a game that the whole family can enjoy.

KitchenAid standmixer attachment shaped like a fist.

Tough-Guy Attachment: Perfect for intimidating the hypothetical haters spying on you while you make sourdough bread.

Woman posing for a selfie taken by her KitchenAid standmixer.

Selfie Attachment: If you don’t post your banana-bread story to Instagram, did you even really make banana bread? Ring light and autofocus features included, insuring that you don’t get upstaged by your culinary creation.

A KitchenAid standmixer attachment with food stuck to it.

Secure Attachment: This attachment won’t take it personally if you don’t use it every time. (Thanks, therapy.) But, if you keep throwing it in the dishwasher instead of hand-washing it, it won’t hesitate to assert its needs.

Source link