Opinion | Good fathering is about being present, and anyone can do it

And I expect we will all have something to say about our experiences with fatherhood — what it was like being on the receiving end, as children, as well as our own trials as dads raising children in a race-conscious country where answers come before questions can get asked.

As for my sons and me, the three of us are fathers who lived in the home, engaged 24/7 in the pull and strains of parenting. Like my father and my two grandfathers — Robert and Isaiah King II — before us, my sons and I considered ourselves to be figures of authority in our households. At least we tried to project ourselves as such.

We helped pay the bills, pitched in with emotional support and worked our butts off keeping a roof over our families’ heads. In reality, we were in two-income families. And my wife, Gwen, supplanted me as top breadwinner decades earlier — to my everlasting pride and relief. But all of us learned, each in his own way, that there is no substitute for being present. For being there when life’s hurts enter a child’s world. For listening and learning about your children. There also is no substitute for showing them a little love, especially when they least expect it.

We aren’t likely to get into all that on Sunday, at least not in detail, since we all know the hills that we had to climb to give real meaning to fatherhood. But how could the four of us celebrate Father’s Day without sharing a little time with each other?

Which brings me to the hard part of Father’s Day — those moments when we take our minds off ourselves and give some thought to what fatherhood means in the lives of other children in this city.

I’m thinking about Ronald Steven Banks, a 30-year-old pallbearer and friend of the family of 10-year-old Arianna Davis, who died after being struck by a stray bullet while riding in a car with her family on Mother’s Day.

As the pastor, family and friends were about the lay Arianna to rest on June 6 at Washington National Cemetery in Suitland, Wilson Wesley Chavis, 48-year-old owner of the Compassion and Serenity Funeral Home, allegedly shot Banks fatally and wounded a woman also at the scene. Chavis was reportedly providing the burial service, and authorities said the shooting stemmed from a dispute between two funeral homes, and Banks might have been a bystander. Chavis was charged with first- and second-degree murder and attempted murder.

This much is clear: Banks’s 9-year-old son will be without a father on Father’s Day. So will hundreds of other D.C. children whose fathers will be locked up in prisons this Father’s Day. I also think of those youths between 15 and 21 years old under D.C. Superior Court supervision or in custody of the Department of Youth Rehabilitation who are fathers. What about their children?

We have had more than 100 homicides committed year to date in the District. How many of the victims — and perpetrators — are fathers?

These children of incarcerated, murdered or otherwise victimized parents face challenges and burdens of their own — in school, in the community, even within their own families.

Thoughts turn to them on Father’s Day, as they should during the year. Who’s there to care for them? Not just putting food on the table or having a strong lock on the door. But being there in their daily lives as positive, constructive forces. Government can do only so much. Yes, there’s cash, food and shelter assistance, and social services to attend to some needs.

But what about time with a child? Hands-on involvement in their growth and development? Teaching them how to deal with others? Making life choices?

And let’s get something clear on Father’s Day. You don’t have to be a man to do the things that good fathers and dedicated partners do. Anyone can be a good parent or even a halfway decent one. The important thing is to have a supportive, trusting and loving relationship with children. That takes time and attention. Whether it’s minutes or hours out of the day, no matter if you are bedraggled with worry or dog tired from work, find and make time for children. Even if it is done as a surrogate. For nearly three years, I mentored an “at risk” teenager as a volunteer in the Washington Urban League’s Linking Lifetime project. It was a challenge. But it helped change his life’s trajectory, and was also a mutually rewarding experience.

One more thing: Spare me the gender-role debate — LGBTQ+ parents everywhere do this vital work on Father’s Day and any other day.

A director of Compassion and Serenity Funeral Home allegedly draws and opens fire at a burial service that he is directing, and you tell me labels and stereotypes are informative?

To perform the tasks of fathers, I say bring on all those dedicated to raising children to be the best they can. This city surely needs all the help it can get.