Paul Singer Sets Fishing Record by Catching Two-Hundred-Pound Supreme Court Justice

ALASKA (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Paul Singer set a sport-fishing record by catching a Supreme Court Justice who weighed in at approximately two hundred pounds.

The Justice, who was estimated to measure over sixty inches, became Singer’s catch during a luxury fishing trip to Alaska in 2008.

Singer, who said that he kept his record catch a secret because he does not “like to brag,” revealed that the jurist was “much easier to catch” than he had anticipated.

“He required practically no bait whatsoever,” he said. “I’ve never caught something that seemed so happy to be flopping around on my boat.”