WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Just days after announcing his candidacy for President, Mike Pence has picked up the coveted endorsement of the National Association of Ass-Kissers.
The N.A.A., a trade organization representing more than a hundred thousand of the nation’s leading toadies, minions, and lickspittles, heaped praise on the former Vice-President, calling him an “awe-inspiring tower of unctuousness.”
“During his four years as Vice-President, Mike Pence brought flattery and obsequiousness to new heights,” the N.A.A. statement read. “We bow down to his utter magnificence.”
Accepting the endorsement, a jubilant Pence praised the organization of abject flunkies, calling the N.A.A. “without question the finest collection of humans this planet has ever known.”
But the endorsement drew a sour response from Chris Christie, who had hoped to receive the ass-kissers’ nod. “I thought I sucked up to Donald Trump as much as anybody did,” Christie said. “Maybe I should have sucked harder.”
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