SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—Shortly after Twitter suspended accounts that were tracking billionaires’ private planes, including Elon Musk’s, a new poll shows that most people who seek Musk’s precise location are doing so to avoid him.
The poll, from the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, reveals that a visceral fear of encountering Elon Musk is what drives eighty-nine per cent of those who follow his movements.
Drilling down into the results, that percentage is even higher among people who work for Elon Musk.
The widespread anxiety about crossing paths with Musk bodes well for a new Twitter account, launched last night, which indicates locations where the Tesla C.E.O. is least likely to be found.
The account, @WhereElonIsnt, offers users real-time updates on safe spaces where they have virtually no chance of running into Musk, such as blood-donation centers and the Amtrak quiet car.
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