Some of My Dream Jobs

Job going on walks and taking pictures with my phone of very small flowers growing by the street.

Job as curator of a found-art-and-ephemera museum.

Job running my fingers over book spines at the bookstore.

Job where I come up with nicknames for people’s pets.

Job helping children punch up their jokes.

Job where I go visit my friends for a few days and, while they’re at work, I wander around alone finding things to do and places they’ve never been before and then I tour them around town showing them my favorite spots.

Job where I eat the last, ugly piece of cake at the bakery, the one that’s mostly icing and crumbs, to save it from going to waste, but also now they don’t have to sell it.

Job imagining family trees connecting all the pets I know.

Job where I get shrunk down real small and ride around in someone’s pocket all day making tough decisions for them that they don’t want to face, and then I get returned to normal size at the end of the day, and I never see them outside of work.

Job where I get paid a lot of money every time I hear an owl and then look at the person next to me and say, “Owl.”

Job where I show up in people’s nightmares and say, “It’s O.K., you’re dreaming!” and help them reroute the dream toward something more pleasant, and in the morning they don’t remember me at all.