The Elephant in the Room: An Oral History

Barbara: I thought it would be nice to have some people over. Celebrate spring. A few neighbors. Nothing fancy. Carl, my husband, didn’t want to do it. He never wants to do anything.

Carl: I didn’t want to do it.

Daryl: My partner, Kyle, and I have been to a number of Barbara and Carl’s parties. This was the first one with an elephant in the room.

Kyle: We love Barbara. Carl’s Carl. He was drunk. As usual. What wasn’t usual was the elephant. That was incredibly weird.

Carl: I honestly don’t know where the elephant came from. I was pretty drunk. For a time, I thought I was just imagining an elephant. But it was real.

Barbara: Was there an elephant in the room? Yes. I assumed someone brought the elephant. But everyone was having such a good time.

Aki: My wife and I got there about an hour after the party started. I saw the elephant pretty much right away. I mean, it’s an elephant. I turned to my wife and was, like, “Are you seeing this?” But neither of us said anything.

Kristina: Have you ever seen an elephant in person? They’re really big. But Barbara and Carl have these vaulted ceilings, so . . .

Daryl: This is going to sound crazy, but at one point I had to use the bathroom, and I must have walked right past the elephant. I saw him but I didn’t. You know?

Kyle: I definitely saw him. I mean, he was an elephant in a room. I’m assuming it was a he? I was kind of focussed on making margaritas.

Antonia: I remember I was talking with a guy who’d just moved into the neighborhood. Seemed nice. Pedro I think his name was. I said, “Can you believe there’s an elephant in the room?” And he said, “What elephant?” And I said, “The one right there.” And he’s, like, “I don’t see an elephant.” And I was, like, “Seriously, turn around, it’s right there.” And he’s pretending to look but not see it, and I was, like, “Why are you being such a dick, Pedro?”

Pedro: I was new to the neighborhood at that time, and I honestly didn’t even see the elephant. I was talking with a woman named Antonia. She was super aggressive.

Aki: I know this sounds strange, but I think the elephant was also surprised that there were people in the room.

Nils: I noticed it but didn’t say anything. I’m not sure why. It seemed like no one really wanted to talk about the elephant in the room. I remember that Carl was really drunk and started telling incredibly inappropriate stories. But people kind of ignored him, too. To the point where Carl and the elephant were just sort of standing there and people were ignoring both of them.

Barbara: Carl was a complete jackass. He was slurring, saying, “Oh, what, now I can’t even use the word ‘tits’?”

Nils: There was a table with chips and dip, and on my way to it I slipped in elephant dung and fell, and I thought, That’s weird. I was annoyed because Carl, the host, was pointing and laughing at me.

Carl: I do remember that Nils slipped and fell in elephant shit. That was funny.

Kyle: At one point, a bunch of stuff crashed to the floor. I assumed it was Carl, but someone said the elephant had swung its trunk. We all sort of stared, and it was quiet, and we were looking from the elephant to Carl, and we kind of collectively seemed to decide that it was Carl’s fault and just went back to the party.

Antonia: I’m not sure how, but Pedro and I ended up making out. I opened my eyes at one point and there was the elephant. I noticed that a lot of the guys didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room. At this point, I don’t really want to talk about it either. I’m just over it. Also, Pedro won’t respond to my texts.

Barbara: It got late and there were just a few of us left. Carl was passed out on the lawn. I’m not sure how he lost his pants. Daryl and Kyle and I were talking, and the elephant just . . . walked out the back, right past us, onto the patio, and was gone. ♦