April 24, 2024
The Most Popular Shouts of 2022

The Most Popular Shouts of 2022

Going into 2022, things felt rather—dare I say it?—cheery. Could it be that COVID-19 and Donald Trump were both receding from our lives? Well, it turns out, no, not really. But at least we all finally found some other things to talk (and joke) about. Though global-pandemic humor (what could be funnier?) does top this list of the most-read Shouts from the past twelve months, other comedic preoccupations abound. Alpacas! Elton John! The Queen (please forgive us)! Brunch! So, read on and laugh your way through the holidays. Because, at this point, who the hell knows what’s around the bend?


By Ethan Kuperberg

  • Tiredness (due to thinking about COVID-19)

  • Anxiety (about catching COVID-19)

  • Exhaustion (from panicking about COVID-19)

  • Foot asleep


By Tom Smyth

Now, I understand that their gift is their song, but that wasn’t really what I had expected as a housewarming present when I invited Elton John and Bernie Taupin to a party at my new home, especially after I specifically asked them to bring ice.


By Nicole Rose Whitaker

“Mopping” with Your Foot and a Clorox Wipe

You’re a visionary who lives by the maxim “There’s got to be a better way.” And that way is yours.


By Rebecca Turkewitz

British: Ian’s become known for his ruddy cheeks and big smile, and for always having a carpenter’s pencil tucked jauntily behind one ear.

American: Sarah’s signature look is the thirteen nicotine patches she wears to manage the stress of competition.


By Kate Tellers

Felix had an accident during nap time and doesn’t have a spare pair of pants at school. If Felix’s father is listed as the primary point of contact on all documents, how many times does the school call his mother?


By Nina Sharma

Racism wore one designer exclusively: Erasure. Racism made its arrival in a sleek look by Erasure—a barely-there, minimal and modern ensemble of not allowing Meghan and Harry to join the Royal Family on the balcony, a choice so understated that some might have had trouble recognizing Racism at all.


By Vi-An Nguyen

Stacks of books blocking a home entrance.

By Mark Remy

For years, the neighborhood coffee place has played music by bands like Creedence Clearwater Revival and Bob Seger—old-white-guy stuff that we used to call the classics. The woke baristas still play that music, but you can tell they’re not into it.


By Alex Baia

Dear Applicant,

We’re thrilled to invite you to a fourth-round interview—an overnight camping trip with our twenty-five-person human-success department.


By Jason Adam Katzenstein

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By Jay Martel

Tesla Parents

Quiet, attractive, and ostensibly better for the world, but loathed by other parents for their sanctimonious bullshit.


By Lana Schwartz and Karl Spurzem

The ocean: salty and containing microscopic bits of plastic.

A hermit crab with a plastic bottle for a shell.

By Craig Thomas

Given this week’s news that Carlhobbes has unexpectedly collided with a rogue comet, setting it on an unstoppable trajectory toward Earth, where, in seventy-six hours, it will end all life, I am writing to ask that you please change the name of this asteroid immediately.

Appreciatively,

Professor Carl Hobbes


By Al Mullen

Alphas are simply not getting hitched. Throughout my thorough investigation, I unearthed only one marriage, which according to my nephew Liam lasted just thirty minutes, taking place during recess and ending by gym.


By Jessi Klein

Waiting in Line for Brunch

The one meal I actually know how to make is breakfast. Why did I ever need to wait in line for someone to make it for me? Well, O.K., I guess the answer is that I wanted to look at attractive cool people eating brunch while I ate brunch. But now I feel like I’ve seen all the attractive cool people I need to see for the rest of my life.


By Skyler Higley

West’s abhorrent, anti-Semitic remarks are unacceptable, and starkly go against the values of our global shadow regime.


By Sarah Kempa and Sara K. Runnels

A pair of sweatpants.

By Jonathan Zeller

Were I to return a few months from now and establish myself as an Oregonian, I’d have to find a job and a place to live. I’d obsess about the Cascadia fault, the rupture of which is unlikely on any particular day but inevitable in the long run; the wildfire season; and the Trail Blazers, unable to break through in the playoffs year after year.


By Graeme Carey

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

So your co-worker was rude to you or someone cut you off in traffic. Big whoop! At least you didn’t trade in your waterfront condo for a dilapidated old farmhouse and enough land for a small herd of South American camelid mammals to roam freely.


By Eddie Small

Bride or Groom and I didn’t always get along so well. In fact, I can still remember a time back when we were kids, and Bride or Groom did Really Annoying, Potentially Physically Violent Thing That Seems O.K. to Joke About Now but Actually Still Fills Me with Anger and Resentment if I Think About It for Too Long.

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