PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—After laying the blame on his wife for recommending that he endorse Dr. Mehmet Oz for the United States Senate, Donald J. Trump explained his wife’s actions by revealing that she is attracted to men who are totally unfit to govern.
“It’s a weird thing with her,” he said in a phone call to “Fox & Friends.” “If she sees some loser who is in no way qualified to hold office, she goes weak.”
Further explaining his wife’s visceral attraction to obviously unfit candidates, Trump added, “It could be some clown on TV who’s never held office in his life, and she’s, like, ‘I’d go for him in a big way. In a big way.’ ”
“If he’s been sued for fraud, that’s just icing on the cake,” he said.
Responding to her husband’s revelations, Mrs. Trump issued the following statement: “I take full responsibility for my husband’s decision to back Dr. Oz. To atone for this terrible mistake, I must pay the ultimate price, and immediately get a divorce.”
For non-satirical coverage of the 2022 midterms, check out The New Yorker’s latest reporting and commentary on the campaign.
More News
Beautifully acted ‘Shardlake’ brings 500-year-old Tudor intrigue into the present day
The dos and don’ts of lending money
The Eurovision Song Contest kicked off with pop and protests