Following the success of “Cowboy Carter,” Beyoncé, in her infinite wisdom, has announced the rollout of additional albums in even more unexpected genres.
“Polkassance”
Beyoncé’s next record, “Polkassance,” will see the megastar adopting the Bohemian aesthetics of polka as she explores the joy of half stepping and spinning to the sounds of an accordion in modern-day America.
“Ich Bin Sasha Feurig”
In this self-reflective album, Beyoncé looks back on and revamps her third studio album, “I Am . . . Sasha Fierce,” with the help of the dizzying electronic soundscapes of German synth pop. Notable tracks include “If I Were Ein Boy,” “All the Single Fräulein,” and “Hälo.”
“The Notes You Don’t Bey”
This smooth, laid-back jazz project represents a distinct entry in Beyoncé’s catalogue, as it marks the only album in which the artist forgoes singing entirely (save for the occasional scatting of “zoobie-zoo-wop-bop-bah”) in favor of playing the upright bass in a five-piece jazz band.
“Dangerously in Blood!”
Cover your ears, because Beyoncé has something to say—or, rather, scream. This hardcore screamo, death-metal project features the icon letting her powerful voice loose and screeching lyrics about her personal struggles, such as, “I’M STILL MAD AT JAY! / ACTING WASN’T MY FORTE!”
“Bey-Ska-ncé”
On this third-wave ska-inspired album, Beyoncé explores summertime fun and dancing the night away by means of an up-tempo bass line and bouncy trumpets. This record is sure to be lauded by critics as delightful, yet completely unnecessary.
“Regina Ego Sum Sed Deus Rex Meus”
Following a five-year-long stint at an isolated monastery, Beyoncé will emerge and shock the world with the release of “Regina Ego Sum Sed Deus Rex Meus,” her album of Gregorian chanting that reaffirms her divinity. This album will precede Beyoncé’s Eucharist World Tour, featuring opener Pope Francis.
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