Dominion Trial Delayed Five Hours While Fox Anchors Apply Makeup

WILMINGTON, DELAWARE (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel’s much anticipated defamation trial was unexpectedly delayed after the network’s anchors required five hours to have their makeup done.

Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity, both expected to testify during the proceedings, were behind closed doors having what was described as “several substantial coats” of foundation, bronzer, and blush slathered onto their faces.

Judge Eric Davis called the delay “unacceptable,” reminding Fox’s attorneys that the trial was not even being televised.

But Dan Webb, Fox’s lead attorney, argued that, without their makeup, “Mr. Hannity and Mr. Carlson would be totally unrecognizable to the jury.”

The trial suffered yet another delay when the anchors finally entered the courtroom and three jurors passed out from hair-spray fumes.