Suggested Slogans for the DeSantis Campaign

DeStroy, DeVour, DeSantis

You Can’t Spell “Donald Trump” Without “Ron D.”

D.E.I. Should D.I.E.

Trump, Without His Baggage (but with Different, Arguably Worse Baggage)

Big D.

Plenty of People Survived COVID

Nikki Haley Is a Woman

A Younger Trump with Mostly Real Hair

I’m Not Fighting Disney—Disney’s Fighting Me

I’m Too Tall for Their Rides Anyway, So Who Cares?

Women Who Let Their Kids Watch Disney Are Fours

Unlike My Wife, Who Is a Nine

Nine and a Half

Despite What Donald Trump Says About Her

My Wife Is So Hot, in Fact, That I Can’t Possibly Be Involved in a Cold War with Trump

But Don’t You Think It’s Weird That He’s Attacking My Wife?

Now He’s Targeting My Children

I Know He Did It to Everyone Else—I Just Didn’t Think He’d Do It to Me

Why Not? Because We Have Identical Codes of Personal Ethics

I Didn’t Fart on the Debate Stage—He Put a Whoopee Cushion Inside My Podium

O.K., Who Left a Wild Alligator on My Lawn?

You People Begged Me to Run!

The Alligator Has the Words “Small D.” Spray-Painted on It

I Was My Party’s Only Hope, and Now Trump Has Sicced His Alligators on Me

An Appeal to Your Humanity: Elect Me So That I Have Secret Service Protection

This Wasn’t Worth It

I Did This All for You

Fine, I Admit I Actually Loved Space Mountain

Mitt Romney Was Right

You Deserve What You Got, G.O.P. Freaks

Fuck It, I’m Voting for Biden

Just Kidding

But I’m Not Going to Vote

And I’m Cutting the Line for Space Mountain