MyPillow Guy Saving Up to Buy a Supreme Court Justice

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Mike Lindell, better known as the MyPillow Guy, has disclosed that he is saving up to buy a Supreme Court Justice.

“I’ve always wanted to own a Supreme Court Justice, but it seems like other guys have already snapped up the best ones,” he said. “I realized I’d better jump on this while there are still some left on the market.”

Lindell bemoaned the fact that Justices such as Clarence Thomas and Neil Gorsuch had already been purchased, but he acknowledged that they were “probably out of my price range anyway.”

“Since my pillow empire has been tanking, the most I can afford is a bargain-basement Supreme Court Justice in beat-up condition,” he said. “I’m gonna have to settle for Kavanaugh.”